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31/08/2017

A short(ish) self love story & Dazey LA

Hello beautiful beings.

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So, as some of you know, I seem to have helped some people through some hard times, some people I don't know too well at all. This makes me so so happy, a real accomplishment. This is the main driving force that brought me back to my blog, to post about what I feel is real. Not to fit into a specific criteria of what type of blogger I should be, what I have to post about, just what my thoughts are and what is genuine to me.

As amazing as that is, what most of you aren't aware of is the extent of my struggle with self love. Every word I advise, write in a card, type up on here, every single word is real. It's what I truly believe, and I just want it to be out there, incase some of it rings true with some people and helps. Or doesn't... and just makes you think - and create more of your own values.
I genuinely believe it all, but sometimes I have to work through more lessons and can't see that 'light' for myself. These are GOOD, believe it or not, as awful as they seem at the time, I come out learning more about myself, accepting more and finding new ways I can help and love myself.

From a young age, I struggled with fitting in properly. I would listen to the cruel words people would use about me, and attach them to myself. I thought that because I was different, it was my fault. The things I would be doing, were always the wrong things, because others weren't doing the same. 
I started to get a warped sense of self from this; my handmade clothes I spent hours making, weren't the same styles as the other girls, were too weird. My hair was too long, I couldn't do it up nice in the same way as the others. I was too tall, too flat-chested, I danced too differently and listened to bizarre world music. Even people I believed to be my friends would make fun of me in front of other 'cooler' people.
  
I did have some special people in my life and I'm thankful for that. But the real problem here wasn't the people who would speak about me, punch me or lie about me. It was the girl who was attaching these actions of others to herself and carrying that, turning it into a deep-rooted self hate. If we don't accept SELF RESPONSIBILITY, we can't change anything!
 I would try desperately in bursts to not be as different, not as unusual, and every time I would succeed, but this wouldn't make me happier. I was burying my true self with my own happiness, feeling there was no way to escape it as it was ME who I was running from.

This carried through with me, being my own worst enemy and not living my life wholly. As I grew through my teenage years, I started getting a lot more attention from men, model scouts, etc. I believed this would help me, and I allowed myself to be abused in many forms, and then believe it was my fault for not being good enough, and abuse myself too. I struggled with mental health, and didn't feel I could do anything about it. When I started to, I was shot down by a lot of people who believed I was an attention seeker, and by most of the others told they wouldn't be around me because I was mental.
I would hate myself when people in the modelling industry would speak about me, I'd put on too much weight, my hips were too big, I was too thin, my hair not the right colour. I would constantly seek out validation and punish myself if I didn't get it, thinking I'd been doing the wrong thing.

Slowly, something amazing happened. Not by anyone else's doing, by mine.
I started to ignore the negativity. Not playing into it. I started doing things that made me happy no matter what people thought, something I would do and then feel guilty about years before. 
I didn't care if someone didn't like my tattoos, people couldn't make me feel bad about my scars, I didn't care if I wasn't wearing enough makeup or dressed up. I was TRULY accepting myself and starting to love, something I didn't even realise was a problem before, instead of blaming myself, my situation and the people around me, I took CONTROL.
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Things are always going to happen in life, maybe more to some, maybe less, but things will still try and through you off course. Things that can't be helped, some things which I won't go into, and some self inflicted. Honestly I'm so grateful for it all, or I wouldn't have learnt that I am SO happy to be who I am. A girl who won't hide, bravely and fiercely my own weird person. And that's the thing. No matter what it is, it's how we are so STRONG that we can pick ourselves up and not stand for it. Believe you are worth something better. Allowing people to have their opinions of me and it NOT effecting me, because I have my own back at all times.

And that's the real way, the only way, we can then help each other. When we believe we are so worthy, we see the worth in the world, the beauty in little things and the little things we appreciate about ourselves.
Celebrate every unique quirk you have, attract the good adventures and people around you because we are here. It's all when you decide to make a change for yourself for the better.

Although I don't attract the same negativity around me now, I still struggle. It's not weak to admit it, it's being honest with yourself and allowing yourself to tackle the situation. Just earlier this week I was in a bad place, felt hopeless, even to the point of not wanting to write about my own self love incase I failed whilst doing it. After some time with myself, doing things that make me feel good, the help of seeing all the Dazey LA entries and I was there again with myself. Another lesson I'm grateful to have gone through, because to work on ourselves is so important. I could write so much more about my journey, and believe me I will for any of those of you who are gonna read this! (Or if not, just for me!)
Remember, whatever is going on, you are a truly beautiful, unique light in this world. 

Thank you to Dazey LA for all the amazing work they put out there- I truly believe in this company as an inspiration to so many. The owner, Dani, goes above and beyond as a business owner to make people feel good. I'm so excited to post about their amazing garms soon! 
It's truly something I believe in, not just as beautiful clothes, but as a movement.

Here you can watch the Dazey Self Love video featuring some incredible women. Love to you all.


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Dazey LA site
PHOTOS // Grime and Glamour
MUA // Lorna Vazraghi
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22/08/2017

Fairy Rodeo Set

REMINDER TO SELF & all you beauties...
LOVE YOUR BODY!


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No matter how it may fold, bend or appear 'unflattering' - to they way your brain's been wired. Be healthy, mind before body. You will shine.
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LINGERIE // Brighton Lace

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21/08/2017

Here's to invoking a feeling

...Instilling inspiration for the people hungry for something more, something real, and for something good in this beautiful planet.

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Here's to the people who can't be moved, us who will not be intimidated by hate and the people pursuing it, no matter what they physically or emotionally do. 

I thrive when people say I shouldn't do something, knowing who I am and believing in myself and my intuition, and knowing that I won't back down. When something isn't 'reserved' or is 'too strange', knowing that none of it matters when you believe you have the courage, which we all possess.

When men look back at me, outraged or confused that I haven't reacted to their crude belittling words, cruel power plays they inflict on anyone they feel will be upset and hurt, just to get one up.

When women stare and look down on me, genuinely disgusted or just projecting their own insecurities about being comfortable with themselves, for looking not done up enough, feet too dirty, too much glitter and not wearing everything exactly so- the same clothes they wear, then looked down on again- if anyone were to be wearing months later.
Not being upset, feeling rejected or outcast-  feeling full of love and respect for myself for being able to be completely happy no matter my looks, and ready to embrace anyone to feel the same.

How any of us could be conceived as less worthy, uglier, for having the confidence to wear no makeup, or a motherfucking rainbow of makeup on our faces, and not playing into this hate. Embracing our own selves. Because each and every last one of us is worth so much more, and have so much more to give and learn, than to play into these crazy self-restraints that people play into.

It genuinely makes me insaaaanely happy, every day, to see others spreading their self love and love for others, invoking something beautiful, instilling their own version of positive on the world in whichever outlet it may be.

So today, tell somebody something that makes you feel good, allow yourself to be vulnerable, do something that makes you SHINE or write something that makes you happy. 

Live your fucking life man, I can't wait to see what you make it.
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