Love more?

It seems lately I've heard myself saying to people more than usual 'I'd rather be alone than be around people who are... well basically toxic for me'. It's cool and well saying things though AAMAAARIGHT? And for sure I believe that even if alone, we'd attract in the right people as long as we were being good and true to ourselves and journey. Regardless of this.. put into practice... would this still be ok for me really?

I'm always true and honest. Really, there's no other way for me to be, even if I really wanted to. It's my genetic makeup. Because of this I try and share as much in an authentic way as possible. I've had some lush people share stories of how this has helped them, by being brutally honest and realising the shit times and the good times are all made soooo much better by ACCEPTING them for what they are, working on them etc. My dudes, that is a form of self love. Not just denying you have any shit going on. It's about being honest (not for everyone - if you don't wanna share that - it's cool!). Like HELL YEAH I feel shit sometimes! But I am a human, I accept my emotions! Hurting and being upset is growth, and emotions which help us release pain. In healthy ways. But I'm totally getting into other blog post matters now... chill out Bet

*basically- listen to what helps YOU personally. If it helps more to just see the only good parts, do that man!! Everyone is different. But don't be made to feel - by yourself or anyone else - that you don't have enough love for yourself or life or WHATEVER just because you experience all emotions. Because of my honesty, which to me was a biiiig turning point in my own self love, I've been told I don't have enough. Don't be scared to be honest too, it's mega cool if you can be open and honest about the hardest stuff. It means you're healing, and looking for ways to grow, or sharing with people who care for support! ALL GOOD MUCHOS LOVE TO YA*

So here we are. In my little theoretical life, of having no-one at all but myself as I would rather be alone than be surrounded by toxic people.
Would I seriously be ok with this?
Well you know the way the universe works hey! Little tests of my faith on this for my own growth heh! 
I've noticed, the way people treat me and my tolerance for this is changing lots *tolerant - letting em get on with it without rising - intolerant - not letting them put their shit onto me*
. I used to think it was VITAL to be surrounded by people at one point. As if it was a huge thing, one of the most important things to show someone's success. I'm absolutely positive a lot of you still think this, which is okay. It can really be made to seem this is super important! And we're human hey. Its literally in us, to avoid loneliness at any sacrifice.
And what is that sacrifice?
Is it our originality - to fit in more? Dignity? Respect? Worse... putting ourselves in danger, allowing ourselves to be manipulated, cheated, hurt? Sure I've afflicted all of these things on myself. It's crazy to me to look back on this and, although some things were out of my control, I seriously had control over most of these things. It is super hard to accept that too! Much easier to make other people out to be the bad guy. 
But are you letting yourself be treated this way?
Really. No shitting here. Think about it.
You have control.

And thats what this is about. 
Today I'm thinking about me. I'll do that however many days I feel like it too! Because we're the root.  When we love, we start to radiate it. We need to have so much love that we know it's okay to feel like we have hardly any love some days because we will always WORK AND GROW with more. Does that make sense? Think about it. Don't overthink. Read it three times in headstand. Whatever, I kinda get it and this is just my human experience. Heheh.

And this is the thing, yeah universe, I can kinda deal with this! Hell yeah I can deal with it! My approach to being strong around people toxic/ just not great for me has completely changed, and although I fucking LOVE being around people, I am totally cool with being alone if I have to. I think. lets see - if it comes to it. hahaha.
Its just trusting ourselves. If we can trust ourselves, we can trust our journey, and the little messages and reminders along the way, trust they will come; and trust our bigger life tings will happen too! LEARNING TO LOVE OUR JOURNEY. The more love I feel, the bigger my sights get. Things I hadn't thought of, or thought of in completely different ways change. I become more grateful for the bad things. I like to think of it in maybe a weird way - like a snake which is our life force and rainbow coloured. It bites and those are the shit times. But I'm grateful for what comes after and for the lesson learnt from it. I'll talk about that more some other time, and leave it making not much sense here for now.

Basically, are you gonna live in fear or love?

Open your arms to life, enjoy things and don't worry who thinks you're weird. You already are on the inside, might as well be on the outside too. 

It's been a beautiful few days, I think I've touched every single plant and branch above my head on my walks and keep doing happy sighs. I've had some odd looks but SMILE man and just spread that good shit. Your equally smily people will find you.

So yeah, get ready for a whole lot more love from me. Because that is the way I (and you too) can then give to the world and others too. Its the best kind of selfish ever and is always necessary.



Enjoy some cool photos by the wonderful Eddy Maynard, wearing awesome Dazey LA.




Firelight - words by Betti

You light a fire
Mesmerised by the reckless
fearless beauty
But cannot bear the heat
you so willingly invoked
poked at, digged deep
wrapped in silk sprees
told their was safety, inside our sleep
no longer embraced
And now you'll catch a glimpse again
a certain way the light plays
Hoping it'll stay
just a little longer today
Remembering the yesterdays
stained upon your face
Mesmerised by the reckless
fearless beauty
But my love
you cannot
Set her in flames, surround yourself with wildfire
without being burnt





Bloom - words by Betti

I laid down flowers, before
For that life which we thought was ours
Only to remember in beauty
fragility and colour
It will always hurt, as they wilt and die
But never will any of us deny
the most radiant bloom
we held as our own




The Wandering Mermaids - brands I love

Kabaaaang pow pow! A super magical small business busting through here...

UK based 'The Wandering Mermaids' owner, who runs a badass blog & is all about LOVE, SELF WORTH and mother****in rainbows has created some new little pieces which encapsulate all she stands for and embodies.

I was super stoked to receive this beautiful little choker made with happiness, a lush little kaleidoscope of daisies, fitting with everything I love and surround myself with. 

SO excited to see what lush things they achieve, keep updated on their social media to see the release of new things. SUPPORT SMALL BUSINESSES!

Also definitely check out her blog and little influential instagram posts for a little extra sugar sprinkle of happiness. Girl kickin ass!


A short(ish) self love story & Dazey LA

Hello beautiful beings.

So, as some of you know, I seem to have helped some people through some hard times, some people I don't know too well at all. This makes me so so happy, a real accomplishment. This is the main driving force that brought me back to my blog, to post about what I feel is real. Not to fit into a specific criteria of what type of blogger I should be, what I have to post about, just what my thoughts are and what is genuine to me.

As amazing as that is, what most of you aren't aware of is the extent of my struggle with self love. Every word I advise, write in a card, type up on here, every single word is real. It's what I truly believe, and I just want it to be out there, incase some of it rings true with some people and helps. Or doesn't... and just makes you think - and create more of your own values.
I genuinely believe it all, but sometimes I have to work through more lessons and can't see that 'light' for myself. These are GOOD, believe it or not, as awful as they seem at the time, I come out learning more about myself, accepting more and finding new ways I can help and love myself.

From a young age, I struggled with fitting in properly. I would listen to the cruel words people would use about me, and attach them to myself. I thought that because I was different, it was my fault. The things I would be doing, were always the wrong things, because others weren't doing the same. 
I started to get a warped sense of self from this; my handmade clothes I spent hours making, weren't the same styles as the other girls, were too weird. My hair was too long, I couldn't do it up nice in the same way as the others. I was too tall, too flat-chested, I danced too differently and listened to bizarre world music. Even people I believed to be my friends would make fun of me in front of other 'cooler' people.
I did have some special people in my life and I'm thankful for that. But the real problem here wasn't the people who would speak about me, punch me or lie about me. It was the girl who was attaching these actions of others to herself and carrying that, turning it into a deep-rooted self hate. If we don't accept SELF RESPONSIBILITY, we can't change anything!
 I would try desperately in bursts to not be as different, not as unusual, and every time I would succeed, but this wouldn't make me happier. I was burying my true self with my own happiness, feeling there was no way to escape it as it was ME who I was running from.

This carried through with me, being my own worst enemy and not living my life wholly. As I grew through my teenage years, I started getting a lot more attention from men, model scouts, etc. I believed this would help me, and I allowed myself to be abused in many forms, and then believe it was my fault for not being good enough, and abuse myself too. I struggled with mental health, and didn't feel I could do anything about it. When I started to, I was shot down by a lot of people who believed I was an attention seeker, and by most of the others told they wouldn't be around me because I was mental.
I would hate myself when people in the modelling industry would speak about me, I'd put on too much weight, my hips were too big, I was too thin, my hair not the right colour. I would constantly seek out validation and punish myself if I didn't get it, thinking I'd been doing the wrong thing.

Slowly, something amazing happened. Not by anyone else's doing, by mine.
I started to ignore the negativity. Not playing into it. I started doing things that made me happy no matter what people thought, something I would do and then feel guilty about years before. 
I didn't care if someone didn't like my tattoos, people couldn't make me feel bad about my scars, I didn't care if I wasn't wearing enough makeup or dressed up. I was TRULY accepting myself and starting to love, something I didn't even realise was a problem before, instead of blaming myself, my situation and the people around me, I took CONTROL.
Things are always going to happen in life, maybe more to some, maybe less, but things will still try and through you off course. Things that can't be helped, some things which I won't go into, and some self inflicted. Honestly I'm so grateful for it all, or I wouldn't have learnt that I am SO happy to be who I am. A girl who won't hide, bravely and fiercely my own weird person. And that's the thing. No matter what it is, it's how we are so STRONG that we can pick ourselves up and not stand for it. Believe you are worth something better. Allowing people to have their opinions of me and it NOT effecting me, because I have my own back at all times.

And that's the real way, the only way, we can then help each other. When we believe we are so worthy, we see the worth in the world, the beauty in little things and the little things we appreciate about ourselves.
Celebrate every unique quirk you have, attract the good adventures and people around you because we are here. It's all when you decide to make a change for yourself for the better.

Although I don't attract the same negativity around me now, I still struggle. It's not weak to admit it, it's being honest with yourself and allowing yourself to tackle the situation. Just earlier this week I was in a bad place, felt hopeless, even to the point of not wanting to write about my own self love incase I failed whilst doing it. After some time with myself, doing things that make me feel good, the help of seeing all the Dazey LA entries and I was there again with myself. Another lesson I'm grateful to have gone through, because to work on ourselves is so important. I could write so much more about my journey, and believe me I will for any of those of you who are gonna read this! (Or if not, just for me!)
Remember, whatever is going on, you are a truly beautiful, unique light in this world. 

Thank you to Dazey LA for all the amazing work they put out there- I truly believe in this company as an inspiration to so many. The owner, Dani, goes above and beyond as a business owner to make people feel good. I'm so excited to post about their amazing garms soon! 
It's truly something I believe in, not just as beautiful clothes, but as a movement.

Here you can watch the Dazey Self Love video featuring some incredible women. Love to you all.

Dazey LA site
PHOTOS // Grime and Glamour
MUA // Lorna Vazraghi